Monday, November 12, 2012

One year later

About a year ago, I started thinking about losing weight.  We'd been through a lot with Em's wreck and she was beginning to fight hard to walk again.  I saw her courage and her determination.  I saw her face physical and emotional barriers.  She didn't hide her scars, but put on a knee length dress and scootered her little heart out when her best friend's grandmother died.  She didn't avoid the hard work.

She inspired me. 

 Then I saw this picture.  I saw that my weight had nothing to do with my age, because these friends were my lifelong friends.  We are within a year of each other's age.  They are me in so many ways.  My memories, my now, my encouragement, my understanders, and my no-excuses people.  

They inspired me.

And now I see me.  Every once in a while, I send those friends a picture of what I'm wearing.  When I sent this one, I included this message:

This outfit is brought to you by the letter B.
B is for Boots from Gretchen (on the left), and B is for Boldness from Becky (on the right.)

On a daily basis, I don't know if I see it.  This is a decision I will have to make every day -- multiple times a day.  I don't know if I will ever eat intuitively. I don't know that I will ever know what my body needs and what it doesn't need.

But I do know that I need these people.  I need the courage of my children as they face the crazy uncertainties of life.  I need the support and love of my friends as I try to put the pieces of me together.  I need their insight to see myself through new eyes.  Not as, "the fat one," but as they one who can choose.  The one who can do it.  The one who doesn't have to be lost in food, but can face the issues, and work hard physically and emotionally to be stronger.

What a difference a year makes.

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