Today

Today, I am thirty pounds lighter than I was on January 1.  I guess you can see it in these pictures.  They were taken on the day that Emily had prom and that we had the Regina spring formal. 

Yesterday, we had our monthly birthday party at work.  We had barbecue sandwiches, potato salad, vinegar cole slaw, deviled eggs, baked beans -- just a good old country picnic lunch.  For dessert, there was chocolate cake, strawberries, ice cream, and hot fudge sauce.  Remember that my goal isn't to be on a diet.  It's to learn how to manage food.  I decided before lunch that I was going to eat, but not eat too much.  I had small portions of everything and even had some dessert.  When I left, I didn't feel overly stuffed.  I thought I'd done well with managing food.

And maybe I did.  I don't think I overate, but I ate foods that I'm not accustomed to eating these days and later, I knew it.  I haven't had much sugar other than fruit and I've tried pretty hard to only eat whole grains rather than quick carbs.  The sugar and other quick carbs made me feel sluggish all evening.  I wasn't hungry at all so didn't have supper, even though we had people out and had a full spread of grilled meats and sides. 

So I'm more focused now to avoid processed, easy foods. I know they have to be part of life, but it's hard for me to think about how much a part of my life they have been in the past.  Also, my physical reaction was really interesting.  Had I completely dulled myself to how it felt to eat too much? To eating less-than-healthy foods?  How are we as humans even capable of becoming so overweight when our bodies really do scream at us when we eat poorly?

There are still things I'm working on:  it's still really difficult for me not to eat in social situations.  It's hard not to be a clean-your-plate person or an eat-because-it's-time-to person.  I haven't been exercising regularly and if I really want to take care of my body, that has to be part of the equation. 

But that's where I am today.