Commitments

For too long, I've said, I need to . . . I should . . . I'm going to try.

Today, I am saying I will.  I am making a commitment.  A commitment to you, if there are any who still read this blog.  A commitment to myself.  Most importantly, I am making a commitment to God.

Commitments. I am making commitments to God.

If you know me, you know I have a relationship with God that usually resembles a wrestling match.  My love for God is deep and unshakable.  My heart's desire is to know him and for my life to be a reflection of his love and grace and mercy.  I desire to be still and know . . . to love him with all my heart, soul, strength and mind.  But  I rarely, rarely understand him.

I no longer expect to understand him, so much of my wrestling has ceased.  I can accept that what is is what is.  I seek to approach people and situations and not ask to understand, but rather how can I best love?  Be love.  Share love.  Speak love.

So my commitment is to write and share the love I see in my life.  See the places where God is so very, very good to me.

Another commitment is to read these books this summer:

1.  101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom

Although I am primarily reading this because I was asked to do a book review, the content is timely.

2.  The New Codependency

This is strictly for personal reasons.  The reality of my codependency is not new, but I've realized for several months that I need to remind myself of the difference between helping and enabling.  I need to remind myself that setting healthy boundaries and limits is a good thing for everyone involved, even when it's hard.

3.  The Other Jesus: Stories From World Religions  

This is another book I've been asked to review.  I'm looking forward to learning something new.

An additional commitment?  I'm committed to working through my difficulties with church.  I've found a wonderful, faith-filled class on Sunday mornings and church times are no longer the loneliest time of my week.

And one more commitment: A life long commitment to this beautiful soul.

It's been a very difficult few years.  Heartache.  Hurt.  Tears.  I know I'm a big talker, but I keep the things that are most important to me very close to my heart.  Because of that, I haven't shared a lot of the difficulty of the last few years.  It's been much, much harder than most people know or will ever understand.

But God was with me through it all.  Every step.  God was with me when I was weak and when I was strong and at a certain point, he allowed Jason to join on the journey.

I am happy in ways I didn't know were possible on this earth.  I am safe.  I am loved.  I trust.

God is good and I am thankful.